One thing leads to another.

I am so feeling like this right now. If there's one thing that can make my self esteem dip to a worrying level, it is my weight. When i say weight, i don't mean the absolute value that i see on the scale, but more on how light or heavy i feel. For most gurls, one of the bestest feelings is that they feel lighter, slimmer, thinner. But for me, that's not funny. I dont like feeling like i have lost weight. I dont like feeling lighter or thinner. I smile when people say i have gained weight or if i look chubby. I was very very thin for a very long time and it sux! Nothing looks good on me. haha. Even XS looks like XL. You get my point? And i cant blame anyone else but myself for not drinking enough milk when i was a baby!!!! Hmpf.

So rite now, yes, you guessed it rite. I feel thinner. Argh. All because of the many days that i dun think i had real good food. I ate. But it didnt feel like proper food. Eating for the past few days was more like a condition so that i wont starve. It was not the heavenly feeling whereby i get to savour the taste of the finger licking good stuffz. So hence, the thin feeling now. Argh. And that leads to me feeling boo.

When i feel boo, i pick on so many things. For example, my hair. Its thin and flat. And i have no idea how to make it not. Could it be the shampooo?? Cos it was not like this before. Argh. Does anyone use Organics? You know they used to come in green bottles. Green only. Now they somehow got 'improved' and come in so many types like 'long and strong', 'smooth and shine', 'soft and silky'... What the hell. Hello..i want all of that. I cant possibly buy all types and mix it up altogether rite!!! I had to choose long and strong cos my hair is long and i want it to be strong???!!! But that means i cant have the smooth and shine and soft and silky and whatever else!!! WHATEVER. does someone know how i feel here?? haha. Crap.

And yah.. i think i got darker cos of ledang. I am not even fair in teh first place. So yah. Haiz.

I hate complaining.

I should be grateful rite. Rite. God doesnt like those who arent grateful.

So what do i have to do? Eat. Feel fatter again. Then my hair will be ok. And i won't be dark. Chaoz.