2005.

a better year than 2004.

Highlights of 2005:
1) A childhood dream come true..GRADUATION
2) Embarkment of my teaching career
3) Fresh new start to my relationship
4) Savings

Boo-boos of 2005:
1) Lack of exercise..hence the flabbyness *sulks*
2) Insomnia

Of all things in life, there's three things that are important to me..
1) My family
2) My love
3) My personal growth

2005 was prolly good cos i get to spend more time with my family. Since JC, school had always taken up so much time that i hardly get to spend time with my family as much as i would want to. Its good that i have finally graduated and my first semester in NIE is not as stressful as NUS. *but my next semester will be stressful..gulp*

i'm glad that 2005 had been a smooth ride for me and my boyfrien. i have found what i have been looking for.

2005 also brings me through a transition from being a student to a non-student. heh. * i cant say teacher yet cos i haven graduated from nie* its a significant change for me cos i am beginning to have different concerns and different priorities.

I am thankful for all the good things that happened this year. After a terrible 2004, 2005 was really a good boost to my self esteem.

goodbye 2005.

welcome 2006.

may this year be an even better year. insyallah.

my goals for 2006...

PERSONAL: jog thrice a week

one fruit per day

read more

read the Quran more often

CAREER: to enter each class with a smile

LOVE: give more 'little' compliments to him *to show more appreciation*


Happy New Year to all of you!!!

went shopping with xuefen.. she is a professional digger! we decided to check out the metro sale at singapore expo. it wasnt that bad. the clothes were pretty cheap.. but you must know how to dig! and xuefen is damn good at it. she always finds the right size!

it feels good to buy cheap but pretty stuffz. hehe. *satisfied* at least i wont feel so guilty if i get sick of it. hahaha.

i'm so tired from all the scanning and digging for not too bad tops. :P hehehe.. *so auntie*

last day of 2005.

must you really go?

Did a personality test and this is the results..

"You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color! "

so what do you think? *winks*

went to prameeta's house just now. she's such a great host!

me and deepa were warmly welcomed with a christmas song... and there was so much food!!we had nasi lemak, fruit salad, an indian desert, cookies and brownies with ice cream! yummy yummy.

and... me and deepa got to be 'queens' at pram's house! her beautiful sis has two crowns at home!! *cos she won beauty pageants*.. so me and deepa posed shamelessly with the oh so pretty diamond crowns. for a second i felt like a princess. hehehe.

tuition has started again. yay. extra income.

anyone wants tuition?? i am desperately looking.

finally my pipi is back from camp. i miss him so much.

Love Actually.

Been wanting to write about this movie that i just watched a couple of days back.

Pretty obviously, the show is all about LOVE. Love between mum and child. Love between siblings. Love between two people who dont have a common language. Love between a prime minister and secretary ( i think the natalie girl is a secretary.. not too sure about her position.. heh.. but she's gorgeous) love, love, and love.

there's the guy who loves his bestfriend's gf. what a sweet way of confessing love. write them on pieces of cardboard. show up at the doorstep. do not speak a word. just flash the cardboards. one by one. "With no hope or agenda" *melts*

so...."what is love?" i wish i know the definition.

how then do i know if what i am feeling is really love?

i guess i wouldnt know. but it doesnt matter. whatever love is, i believe its what i am feeling. at least, its my idea of love.

cant wait for your camp to end.

thanks Kim for the boost.

thanks Xuefen for the compliment. hehe. you know how i am feeling these days right.. so.. such compliments really help. hehehehe.

just had lunch. today is extra special cos i cooked for my grandma. *gasp* my mum and dad and the two younger bros left so early in the morning to service the car and look for a ceiling fan. so little miss fazleen has to cook for the family. today's menu: chicken curry. so scary when i had to wait for my grandma to comment on it.. its her first time tasting my cooking. hehe.

i just kept quiet...waiting with anxiety..then she said .. "ah.. dah pandai pun masak kan.." . *phew* i shall take that as an approval. hehehehe.

going to prameeta's house with deepa tomorrow. for post christmas tea. hehe. *cant wait*.. i miss you gurls! Vanessa is having a blast at KL. syiok man that girl..!

Mr R.J is in camp. team-building camp for his silat team. missing him so much. *blow kisses*\

i just watched King Kong. Yeah i know its kinda 'yesterday'.. but anyways, better late than never.

its a funny and crappy show...but but but.. the crappy was somehow nice. werks for me. prolly cos i paid 9.50 for it..so i have to convince myself that its werth it. hehe. but seriously, i enjoyed it. i enjoyed the company more tho.

he noticed. *smilez*

went to a wedding at the malay village just now. not too bad. better than lagun sari. but a bit too pricey.

i'm happy that i have been jogging. kinda loving it cos it takes my mind off everything. i should keep this up. maybe it would be my 2006 resolution.

talk about resolution. new year is around the corner. wee...! i should do some reflection soon.

my grandma is staying over for a couple of days. *smilez*

she can really talk non stop. now i know where i get my talkative genes from. heh.

school is around the corner. *winks* i'm excited for the next phase but at the same time, there's also that tiny bit of fear. fear about the uncertainties.

i'm looking forward to be in school. i'm aware of the so many possible challenges. too many people have told me about too many negative stuffz about teaching. i pray to God that this path i have chosen is indeed the best path for me. even if its not, at least let it be a smooth ride and a meaningful experience. its my childhood dream after all. i dont want to grow up only to realize that it is a nightmare. i'm keeping my faith strong. *smilez* i wana start with optimism.

in the ideal world, i'd get anything i want. in the real world, i want a balance. its the key to happiness.

had a real good feast at sakura international. we ate till we couldnt talk.

we took loads of pics. i look so boo in almost all. very bulat. very.

i dragged my big fat ass out of bed to go for a jog.

feels good after all the stretching.

i slept feeling happy. but i woke up feeling happier.

reason being.. my exam results were out yesterday. i was totally unprepared for it. i was asking my nie frens when the results would be coming out and i was shocked to find out that it was already out!! with all my kanchiongness, i forced myself to check it. alhamdulillah i passed everything. i feel so relieved. it put me to a good night sleep.

then pipi woke me up with a phone call. his exam results were out. and he had checked it. he passed all the modules!! i am really really happy for him! congratulations dear! he had a tough semester..had to deal with such heavy modules and lead his silat team all at the same time.. i'm so glad he doesnt have to retake anything. and that woke me up with a wide wide smile.

so there's two good reasons to celebrate. hooray..hooray!!

me and him are going to have our feast at sakura international tomorrow. *cant wait*

so, that being done, lets look forward to the next semester with optimism. as the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

once upon a time, during my JC days, i was 35kg. it was terrible cos i looked ultra skinny and tiny.

then things got better when i went uni. less stress, more weight. i put on 3 kg. so i was 38.

3 kg was like a miracle considering i had so much difficulties trying to gain just ONE kilo. i became really happy cos i was no longer skinny. from skinny, i went to THIN.

cos i was so happy, i continued eating. 2kg added. i reached 40. and from thin i become JUST NICE.

by then, i got so used to eating a lot tt my appetite became really 'good'. so, now i'm 42. and i feel fat. seriously.

i look super round in almost every picture. my side view is terrible cos of the double chin.

i used to love it when ppl say i have put on weight. but now i dun really feel flattered. one thing i realize, i have proven myself wrong. i thot i could never get fat cos back then, it seemed like that. even my mum is surprised that i can grow horizontally. i think i have the potential to balloon up after giving birth. and that aint too good.

my mum says i'm fat. my bros too. my bf also.

i'm trying to cut down on my food intake. doing some exercises to burn off my oh so many fats. no junkiez. no snacking. just main meals, with smaller serving.

i used to be pretty fair. but now i am so tanned. or dark for that matter.

i cant help it that i tan easily. thanks to my hyper melanin production. and to make it werse, i am always outdoor when the sun is right on top mf my head. i go to school when its scorching hot. mr sunshine loves to glare at my face.

sunblocks dont seem to werk that well.

i'm desperate and quite upset.

i know i shouldnt be complaining. but yet i am. *shrugs*

my beloved mum and dad.. at sentosa while i was in JB.

shasha, elysha and me. see how cute elysha is. she blocked my face!! tsk tsk.

insomnia strikes again.

its irritating the hell out of me.

i am so tired. but my eyes are wide open. and i am wide awake. whadda.

euni says "try camomile tea".. so i made myself a mug and i drank it all up. good thing is, i feel calm.. but i am still not sleepy. anyways, if any of u guys are stressed, try camomile tea. its got a soothing effect on the nerves. serious. i can feel it. :)

i SERIOUSLY have to start getting some werk done. Melacca trip done. JB trip done. Shopping done. *well not entirely*.. so, that leaves me to BUSINESS.

how time flies. its already past mid dec.. argh. school is starting soon. its gona be a tough sem ahead. practicum. *shiver*

pipi is getting his results this week. good luck dear. i wonder when's mine.

i miss that someone who is in Pulai rite now.

my suite escapade.

it was awesome! me, nad, baya, fa, syidah, khai, reny and euni had a blast at the puteri pan pacific hotel. our 2 days 1 nite stayover.

the suite was so syiok!! we wow-ed and woohoo-ed so much when we entered our room!! it was pretty in pink and oh so swwweeeeeeeettt. the bed was so super duper comfy that all of us kept bouncing on it. *especially me*. the toilet was so hotel-ish. hehe. we like!!

our supposed shopping trip turned out to be a food spree!!! we ate SO much that syidah says we need to go for detoxification for the next few days and i say that I need to fast for 4 days. we were like gluttons! so boo-ke-doo-doo. everything also buy! secret recipe, aunt annie, coffee bean, portuguese egg tarts, sushi and much more junkiez from KAPITAN MART. hahahaha. whatever that means.

NONE of us bought ANYTHING except for FOOD. gosh. tsk tsk.

we practically chatted the night thru.. about so many topics. and we realized how scientific we are. and i am quite freaked out by that. *hmpf* i suggested the QUESTION game. and this was their response..

Setting: 2 am. Nine girls on the bed. One sleeping, One trying to sleep, the rest trying not to sleep.

Me: Eh.. lets play questions..!!
Everyone: Whadda hell is that..??
Me: Its a game .. we take turns to ask questions..

Everyone: like what type of question??

Me: hmm.. like coffee or tea??

Everyone: WHAT!! Then?? so??

Me: then the rest answer lah!!
Everyone:???...and then..???
Me: and then the next person asks the next question. thats all.
Everyone: WWAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT......*so interesting huh*

well.... it CAN be interesting. everyone doubted my idea at first. but i convinced them to give it a shot. i told them to ask bizarre questions. of course the coffee or tea was just an example!

so.... turned out that all of us had INTERESTING and COMPLICATED questions on HOT topics. haha. seeee... i told you all its fun!

fa made a rule: nobody sleeps.

guess who broke the rule? everyone except fa. hehehe. :P

sleeping was not at all comfortable cos EIGHT women had to squeeze onto one king size bed. i felt like a shriveled prawn. grr.

syidah and fa smuggled breakfast from the buffet. only two of us were entittled to it. since syidah and fa had bathed, they got to go. heh. but we gave them a mission-to smuggle as much food as possible for the rest of us. and they did an EXCELLENT job. they were so good that they managed to smuggle ORANGE JUICE!! using our mineral water bottles! can you beat that! air pon boleh kebas!!

we snapped loads of pics.. but i have yet to put it up here. will do that as soon as possible.

everyone is so shagged after the trip. but everyone is happy and satisfied... :)

there were so many beautiful moments.

just one thing. we all wished xuefen was there. it would have been picture perfect.

attended a wedding at lagun sari. i think i prefer weddings at the community centre or even void deck. lagun sari is nicely decorated and the food is not too bad.. but its kinda small. the kids got bored after some time and started to run around! and i think its quite ex! 8K for 200 guests. a bit pricey for a malay wedding. so, me and my mum decided that mine wouldnt be at lagun sari. hehe.

the first person i talked to at the wedding was my uncle. and the first thing he said was " eh eh.. dah berisi eh.." meaning that i am getting fleshier.

the second person i talked to was my aunt. and the first thing she said was "eh eh.. makin tembam eh.." meaning that i am chubbier.

gosh. now TELL me i am not fat.

i gathered my guts and went to the salon. *smilez* .. check it out when you meet me. and please say something nice. even if theres nothing nice to say abt it, then comment in a nice way k.. thank you.

suzie.. last last kiter tak amik gambar seh. so boo. penat me berdandan. and banyak punyer cam whore. or cam slut. hee.

the long awaited shopping spree finally came.

thanks pipi for being my ever faithful shopping partner. extra points for u cos u carried my heavy textbook thruout the day. and thanks so much for the accessoriez!

i kinda like the office girl look. heh.

i need to do something about the fats thats piling up in me. its gross. argh.

i am so bored.

i am not sure if i am nocturnal or insomniac.

i am going off to Melacca in the morning. Just a short trip with my family to get out from Singapore. i still havent packed my bag! not that there is much to pack! its only 2 days 1 nite!

my pay is in. i am overjoyed. *lalalalala*

pipi has promised to go shopping with me on thursday. he's such a busy bumble bee.

oh god.. i am so bored.. grr. hmpf.

anxiously waiting for my pay. grr.

chicken soup for the teacher's soul. What a great book! i shall make it my daily dosage of booster.

brown hair no more. *smilez*

thanks a lot xuefen!!! mwah.

My date with pipi was awesome. He drove me around a couple of places to see many many beautiful houses. You should check out houses at Dalvey Road..where the expats and big shots live! I didnt know such houses exist in Singapore! Gosh ..we went to houses that look like mansions and guarded by the Gurkha! the houses were super huge with a big porch! and needless to say, each house had a few cars! FEW! Some of the bungalows were up a hill.. some had their own mini 'road'! *wow.. pardon me if i sound so jakun.. but i AM!!!*

i was telling pipi that some houses are so big that if you press the doorbell, it would take them 15 minutes to get to the gate!

thanks dear for the 'spin!'

i'm a dreamer. its dreams that keep me going. sometimes my dreams may not seem realistic to others. but its what i want to achieve one day. one fine day. one sweet day.

i work towards what i want. i have achieved my childhood dream - to get a degree.
i am pursuing my dream of becoming a teacher.
and if you know me well enough, you should know my greatest dream. it has yet to be achieved. i welcome anything that motivates me to make my dreams come true.

believe in me. believe in my dreams.

isnt the prezzie huge??

See Anatolia in the background..

before pouncing on the kebabs..

i'm bored. just came back from supper at Macs and i cant sleep.

i finished a book today. Its called 'The Perfect Day'. It was about this guy who had everything he needed in his life - a beautiful wife and a daughter. But, the quest for success in his career led to a failure in his marriage. well, almost. it was only when he got a 'death' scare that he began to see what he was losing. It was all about appreciating love and learning how to love. I cried by the way.

I watched a hindi movie at night. and i cried again. It was also about love. The story of a dying man who loved a girl and his sacrifice for her.

I am so bored that i am chatting with my bro who is only a few metres away in the other room. Its Haziq by the way. And he types super slow. heh.

My bro gave me a pick up line..
"Hi.. people call me Muhadher. But you can call me tonite.."

You decide if its lame or not. *blueks*.. apa apa lah eh dek..

i am in a certain phase but i am not too sure what it is exactly. Its not adolescence cos i'm way too old for that. Could it be young adulthood?

Whatever the phase i am going through, its not easy. Suddenly i think of so many things. Suddenly i have so many needs and many more wants. When i was a student, my main concern was my studies. studies was high on top of my priority list. Now, that list seems super long.

School was relatively predictable. Take 5 modules each semester and sit for an exam at the end of it. Exams sucks but it will somehow turn out ok. Holidays are for real.

I have just embarked on what i plan to be my professional career and I really wana make this happen. I want to earn as much as i can. I want to have a comfortable life. who doesnt right?
but money doesnt come easy. earning is one thing. saving is another. how much is considered a good pay? how much should i save? how much CAN i save? how long would it take for me to afford a house? maybe its too soon for me to be wishing for a house.. but seriously, i keep on thinking about this.

I used to not care about branded bags or diamond rings.. and the cheaper the clothes, the better. but now i find myself looking at branded bags, solitaires, posh clothes... its NOT like i can afford them tho..*i wish i can just pick and pay* but i want them more than i used to in the past. so... i'm kinda werried.. am i getting more materialistic? or is it just a change of taste? now dun get me wrong, i still prefer cheap clothes and stuffz.. i mean why not?? as long as they look good, it doesnt matter that they are cheap.. but a part of me also wish for the luxury to splurge.

still thinking.

thanks fa for the gift. the flowers are hanging pretty on my door.. *smilez*