i'm so freaking pissed rite now that i just need an outlet to scream.

seriously, i wish i dun have to work so damn hard. cos sometimes it doesnt pay. literally.

sumtimes ppl really make u feel like u are begging for their money. argh.

i'm so angry inside tt i dont even know how to really let it out. like no one is actually listening. i am just listening to my own frustations.

its quite a pathetic day.

first is the misunderstandings.

second is the driver who almost knocked into my car. it was SERIOUSLY an almost accident. stupid driver reversed without signalling and was only a blardy one inch away from my car. i had to horn damn loud. argh. so pissed.

third is my random need for more attention. argh. feel quite pathetic sumtimes. am i like begging fr too many things or wat.

fourth is the pain in the neck waiting game. empty promises. heartaches. disappointments.

gosh. u have no idea how irritated and pissed i am rite now.

seriously. i am gona give it up. for the amount of time and energy i put in, at the ned of the day, i'm still like at their mercy.

wth.

bio prac is over. phew. i was a tad nervous cos it was my first time. thank God it went on smoothly. theory papers coming up next week. i'm gona freak out again. i always do on the exam day. as a student and a teacher. hehe.

i'm counting down the weeks to end of school. next week is the last week before sept break. then one week of 'rest' and 4 weeks of lessons. Final Year exams and the Big O's. Fasting and Raya. Egypt. Thats like my ultimate motivation. not sure if there'd be any other surprises or 'to-look-forward-to' occasions in between. *winks*

time flies. its already coming to end of august. sigh. i feel like i am aging or stg. Help. haha.

i wana shop. when oh when. managed to get a dress, a top and a 3/4 pants last week. was window shopping with my beloved buddy from work when i stumbled upon a great sale. its like i MUST buy them. so happy with the deal. hehe. so that kinda 'rang the bell' for me to wana shop more.

i miss my NUS days really. dun ask me why. been two years since i left. and i still think of those days when i mug all day and nite. i miss it so blardy much can! urgh. those days when school is everything! life revolves ard lectures, tutorials and friends. sounds pathetic but it was actually such a great journey. despite the stress. oh well, stress is always there. its kinda packaged into my life. so i've welcomed it since years ago and have grown to live with it till now. dealing with stress is survival.

i wish i am still 20. sigh. its so scary to know tt i am turning 24 soon. and before i knw it, i'd be hitting the magical THREE. geez. ok maybe i am thinking too much.

but what i knw is that, before that happens, i wana make sure tt my youth was well spent. i knw i had spent almost my entire life studying. no regrets tho. i enjoy learning. i wldnt wana stop. but now tt i am working, i wana travel the world. i like having goals cos it motivates me. and to see the various places on Earth is one of my life goals. and i wana do it with my loved ones.

constantly in check of my dreams and desires.

when things come at ur doorstep, what would u do?

some opportunities are meant to be seized. some are not as simple. the pressure of having to conform to others. the opportunity turns into a moral dilemma. do u live to please others? maybe u dont. but undeniably, 'others' always have a huge part to play in our decision making. and sometimes, they end up making the decision for us. consciously or subconsciously.

i wana be like thumbelina. small and happy.

sitting on the petals of the flowers
breathing in the scent of nature
soaking in the wonders of what surrounds u
understanding the bigger picture
appreciating the beauty of being small
mesmerize me. i wana fall in love with life.

rapids and waterfalls.

sometimes i run
sometimes i hide
sometimes i'm scared of you

but all i really want is to hold you tight
treat you right
be with you day and night
all i really want is to be with you.

sometimes - britney spears.

After a super boring 4.5 days break, today its back to school. the next thing i am looking forward to is my course on friday. cos that means i'm away from school!! hehe. its nice to get fresh air once in a while ok! so technically, its a 4-day week. hoorah! oh plus, i am meeting khai, syidah and mas on fri.. so yay!

anyway, i didnt go out the whole of my natiodal day break! i faithfully stayed at home and did my work. cos its freakig me out. seriously. the piles of marking. i dun even want to think abt it. so due to geeky break, i couldnt take it on sunday nite. so off i went to NTUC!! haha. my kids laffed when i told them this. they openly said that i have no life. haha. which is true. so, i bought baby tomatoes and ingredients to bake cheesecake! hehe.. i must say that I was highly inspired by nad to go make cheesecake. and i finally did. it was perfect timing. i was bored. my family was out. i could do it all by myself! with no interruptions and no one to kay-po-chi. hehe.

i started at 8 and started to bake at 10. it was out from the oven at 11 and i chilled it overnight. i was super excited! i so wanted to take pics of the whole process but i was too caught up with the whole thing. no hand to hold camera. haha. thats when i wished my bros were at home. haha.

first thing i did when i woke up was to check my cake.. my mum was the first to taste it and she was excited too! haha. so i brought a few pieces to school.. shared with colleagues and my students.. still owe some of them .. i had promised to bring more tmr. hehe. for my top scorers in class. haha. not sure if they see it as a reward or a punishment! haha.

my kids were very sweet just now. one of them randomly asked me during lesson if i wanted tao suan.. and i played along saying tt i'd love to have it. and the next thing i know.. i have tao suan for my next period! he actually went to the coffee shop outside school to get it! so nice rite.. so in exchange, i gave him some cheesecake. which he had to share with six others! and their saliva were all mixed up but they didnt care! haha. they were super hungry and kept talking about food thruout chemistry lesson. so distracting! but they made my day :)

so today is a happy day for me. cos cheesecake was a success and i feel good letting people eat! its actually therapeutic! i should start to be more domesticated already. haha. its about time!

tmr will be a long day. but i shall look forward to it cos i cant wait for thurs. hehe.

three more weeks to school. then comes the sept holidays! teachers day is up next BUT i wont be in school! urgh. i want toooooo! sigh.

i cant wait for the fasting month. then raya. then hols. then EGYPT. ooh lala. bestnyer.

i wana get:
- a new wallet
- heels for raya
- a hair trim!!

i wana:
- bake brownies
- clear my marking
- be HAPPY.

i wish for:
- maldives
- sushi

food makes me happy. *grinz*

i am back to my NIE days. roundy moundy.

i seriously love the new national day song..

such inspiring lyrics..

" So will you swim the current
Will you scale new heights
Will you make it happen
Will you let your dreams take flight
And will you make the difference
Will you seize the day
Will you live each moment
Will you dare to find new ways "

- Will You, National Day song 2007

At this point of my life, I can relate to the song very well..

Its yet another transition phase with significant changes happening.. And everyday I ask myself if i am able to come out strong and a better person. Will I be able to overcome the emotional and mental challenges.. Will I be a step closer to my dreams.. Will I seize the opportunities that are presented to me..

Life is a learning journey. Be not afraid to stumble. We wont know till we try. Even if it turns out to be a mistake, at least we had the courage to realise it. And we move on from there.

For all the difficulties that He tests you with, you will always have the support of your loved ones. and you'll realise the wonders of what their love can do. It brings you hope.

this whole episode has taught me a lot. indeed, it has somehow made me stronger.

sumtimes, the decisions u make may result in others hating u. many times, people will judge and try their best to put you down. unnecessary comments, personal attacks, harsh words may be thrown at you. when this happens, dont lose faith in urself. what shapes your character is NOT the events that happened in your life, but the way you RESPOND to the things that happened.

i've learnt to be open to ppl's views and opinions. i've learnt to take things constructively. i've learnt to believe in myself cos what tt doesnt break me will only make me stronger. i've learnt that everything happens for a reason.

sweet memories will never be forgotten
the good times will always live on my mind
thank you for the tribute
and i've clearly gotten your message
no matter what happens
even behind your closed doors
u'd never be a stranger to me
all that i have of us are good memories
in my prayers i ask for your happiness
in this silence between us
i try to speak to you
may your dreams come true
may you achieve all that you aim for in life
God Bless You.

Take care, Pipi.

best friends in times of laughter and tears